shaun_eon

01:18 am - Paris maybe blind but she aint deaf, thank god

OK so I bought Nelly Furtado's new CD "Loose" on Wednesday. I can't say it is a thrilling experience...however, there are a few gems that stick out in my mind. "Afraid", "Maneater", "Promiscuous", "Te Busque", "Say It Right", and "Do It." I love her whiny voice, it just fits with her new sound and it fit with her older folky pop sound as well. "Folklore" the sophomore slump that tanked on the charts was not well recieved even though it was filled with clever lyrics and inspirational hooks. Even though it was poorly recieved, I, personally liked the majority of it. I never did get around to hearing the debut because of that overplayed retarded song "I'm Like a Bird" just turned me off to her. I just could not bring myself to purchase what I thought would be total garbage. But I now feel like its time to give the album a shot, just skip over "Bird."
But enough about Miss Furtado, let's talk about Paris. Miss Hilton that is. Have you heard her new song? "Stars Are Blind" is the title. Does that mean she is blind? If she's blind, then she must be deaf as well to make a track as horrid as that. Its an absolute disaster, but candy for the ears in one way. Since it is a big hit in the U.S. already. But all in all it does suck total ass crack. I can't believe I even bought it on itunes. But thats the inner thirst and curiosity for pop culture. I give it 2.5 stars. cus its as bad as we all anticipated but not as bad as many thought it would really be. If that even makes sense to all you readers.

Current Mood: chipper

04:42 pm - realization

[MIXUP] NOT A FINAL GOODBYE
Current mood: awake
Category: Life

(this is a message written in response to my friend Lauren's reaction to my blog entitled "SAY GOODBYE")

Lauren,

Its not that you haven't called me since you've been home, its just that I've had this feeling for so long that it confused me. I always get wierded out by em's attitude toward me. I still think you guys have some kind of problem with living w/ me last summer. However, I was going through the hardest time in my life, yet both of you still felt that confrontation was the way to fix things. I was suicidal, emotional, depressed beyond belief, scared to death of what might happen to me in surgery in August. I didn't feel the support coming from either of you two. I have found new friends who treat me with more dignity and respect and show concern when I talk about some of the serious stuff I've gone through. I really wish you hadn't assumed that I was being my old self and getting bitchy because you or em didn't call right when you got home. Thats how I USED to be. I have grown so much since I had the stroke and I think I finally know who my TRUE friends are. They are the people I actually think care about me the most. I was always confused about who my friends were through highschool and even our first 2 years of college. I have certainly had some pretty amazing memories with you and emily. you especially Lauren. But I don't feel you care for me the way I have always cared for you. I want you to know that I am not doing this to cause drama or despite you. I mean will Em even care? Nope, she'll prob think I'm being retarded and blow me off because she thinks that I'm being immature and then I'll come running back to you guys eventually. I'm moving out of my house on June 15th ( my choice completely) and have decided that its time for me to really grow up. No drama, no tears, no hard feelings. OK? Of course you'll always be in my heart Lauren, more so than Emily. I've shared some of my deepest feelings and had some of the most amazing conversations with you. I'm trying so hard not to cry right now because I truely do love you very much. This doesn't mean we will never see each other again, it just means I have cut my umbilical cord that seemed to have formed around you causing annoying clinginess. Its time for Shaun Foley to grow up and be independant. I mean I never hear from Emily when she's at school, not even a 2 minute phone call ever. Yeah same with you. I know I dont have as busy of a schedule here as you guys do. School is hard work but to 2 people I used to believe were my best friends on earth, it just didn't feel right. This was my realization throughout the school year. I have finally walked through the dark haze part of my life and found out who makes me the most happy in my life. And its not you or emily. I know that must sting to hear, but if you really think about it and your priorities at the moment, I'm sure you've got tons of other things on your mind other than our friendship. Don't worry about my feelings cus they aren't hurt, I'm just worried about yours at the moment cause you seem hurt by this. I just want to make things easier for the 3 of us. Just think: no more naggy Shaun feeling bad for himself. I'm taking control of my life completely and the time is now.

I've loved you since the 2nd grade Lauren, even with that bowlcut! I've always looked up to you, I hope at least that makes you feel good, cus if I found out someone has always looked up to me I'd be very flattered cus I was never much of anything. Always angry, slouchy, unapproachable, quiet and shy. Now I'm different, maybe too different to maintain our friendship. It does sadden me a great deal, but for some reason, by writing that little blog, I felt free, the freest I've ever felt like someone of a higher power cut that imaginary umbilical cord from you so I could venture out on my own. Once I get better as best as I can get physically, then I'm out of new England. I'm going to be an occupational therapist. I finally know what I want in my life. I want to help people. And I don't need Rodney, or anyone to achieve my dream of becoming that. I've finally found my peace of mind. I know it may hurt you and em a bit, but I hope you can be happy for me.

This is no final goodbye, its just a casual way of moving on.

I love you both, and now that I know I don't need you I feel free to fly

Love always and forever,

Shaun Foley



----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Lauryn Sossamon
Date: Jun 2, 2006 1:51 AM

hey shaun,
i just read your latest blog and i'm not gonna lie, it kinda burned a bit. i don't really know what to say...i've only been home for a week now and my brother graduated and my mom and dad have been really sick w/ this flu that my mom brought home from the hospital. emily is in florence til early july so that's prob why you haven't heard from her. i don't really know what else to say?

i am going to a wedding shower on sunday and i have a few things planned next week and then on the 12th i'm getting my wisdom teeth out. i start work the 22nd and i move to cambridge july 1st - so there def. still is time to hang out - you should have given me a call, i've just been wicked busy w/ doing stuff for my rents since they're both bed ridden, i haven't even seen anyone since i came home - sorry if you took that as i didn't want to see you...

well i hope you don't hate me, and i'll try givin ya a call sometime tomorrow or saturday, and hopefully we can work things out, cause i'd hope that things wouldn't end w/ us just because it's been a while since we've talked...

Current Mood: bitchy

08:53 pm - The best Man I Can Can Be

Nothing but an empty page
Breathing in an open space
Captured by your moment's grace again
There's so much I left behind
Even more that waits in time
Everything's so undefined
I'm standing on the edge of my fear
And I see it clear

Here's my resolution
I'm letting go
All I need to learn is along this road
And I just want to be the best man I can be
Breathe, it's my resolution

Living life without a plan
Finding solace where I stand
And learning how to love again
And all I want is something real
That I can feel

Here's my resolution
I'm letting go
All I need to learn is along this road
And I just wanna be the best man I can be

'Cause here's my resolution
I'm letting go
All I need to learn is along this road
And I just wanna be the best man I can be
Breathe, it's my resolution

My resolution

Current Mood: calm

07:29 pm - I don't want to feel like this

OK so I met Mike recently and he and I were supposed to get together on Friday to hang out. However, my car broke down on Wednesday and does not run so we couldn't get together. All the while he told me he was interested in me and I finally found out that he got with some guy over the weekend and they are now dating. I feel like such a used motherfucker once again. Why do I let this happen to me? I guess I'm not supposed to have boyfriends or something because no one likes me for stupid reasons like for instance my scars, my walking, or something shallow like that. But I know that Mike is not shallow like that. I wonder what would have happened if I actually hung out with him Friday. Maybe he would have decided he didnt like me, or we would start dating and then he would cheat on me with that guy hes with now. Who knows...

Current Mood: crappy

09:29 pm - a Mike, a Mission, a new REASON

OK I just ate some strawberries and was supposed to go out with a new guy tonight but my car is broken so I couldn't go pick the boy up :( we were both sad about it, but I will see him when my car gets fixed. There is something about Mike that just makes sense to me. I feel like we have both had our share of pain and that he would understand me and like me for who I am and be ok with what I'm going through still, and its nice to put these feelings into words because it feels as though I understand unspoken things between us, which seems odd. But I have a feeling that this could turn out well and possibly go somewhere nice. It gives me a reason to pursue something new which is nice because it has been a while since I've been with a guy. My mission here is to take this slow. I have a very strong physical attraction to Mike and I get so tempted to move forward too fast that the relationship never ends up going anywhere except to bed. But I am glad that I'm artracted to Mike because sometimes recently I have felt like I would just have to settle for someone who I was not attracted to that much. So I will be smart about this and go slow and wait for the right time to come and the right energy to push us forward to the physical part of this relationship. I hear its much more magical and passionate if youwait a while tooo. Especially compatible people.  What I really want in the long run is someone to share my life with. So from here on out, I will make better decisions and try hard to reach for my goals for my future.

Current Mood: calm

09:17 pm - Kiss Concert

So tomorrow is the day of Kiss Concert in Mansfield. Kim and I are going and it shall be one fuck of a time since Mary J. Blige and Rihanna will be there:) I've been a big Mary J. fan for quite a few years now and have all of her cds. Rihanna is one of my new favorite artists and I love her new cd. I'm pretty excited about going. Plus Madonna will be hitting up boston in early July and the fabulous Kim and I will be present in that venue as well. I forget the lineup for kiss concert but i do know that Nick Lachey, Natasha Bedingfield, Chris Brown are among others performing. Well thats it for this musicalicious entry :)